Some thoughts... please read... plz..I'll start with on my mind the most right now... my loneliness.
With Steve "forgetting" about me I feel empty.
I feel as my purpose has gone away from my life.
The only thing that's keeping me from hurting myself is the fact that it would hurt other people, and I don't want to share the pain with others.
True, the friends who have come to me to give me the hugs and cuddles were nice... I hate to say this but it only helped a little all it did was remind me is that I have friends who would throw out the hug every time some one would get sad or hurt and never give much meaning to it. its not that there you all are bad friends its just how this would works.
Recently I have been going out with friends to places and having loads of fun... all male freinds... all of them are stright... and I'm so emtey harted and lonesome I just want to cling to them for some kind of confort. but I cant do that... They would just be mean and push me off instantly. Its not that dont like gays or elce they wouldnt let me into there group.
they just dont care.
however online friends are most of the time always there to give you a hug or a nuzzle... problem is... no matter how many hugs I get... it just feels hallow. Because the person there that is giving the hug is not really there to give you one. Just to give you a digital one in hopes that it will make me feel better...
NO offense to any one of my kind friends, it just seems that Steve's hugs... meant something. even digitally I could feel him holding me close just as he would do in real life... Thoughts of what I had linger in my mind... and I wonder why I still want him... even though.. according to certain people they say he treated me horrible for "forgetting"... and some say I'm better off with out him. Then why cant my heart find some one else.. Its not that I'm not ready I just dont feel connected... he read my mind.. and it was no guessing game in my mind on what he wanted, and for once in my life I had a male actually try his hardest to give me what I needed... Real and true love.
I still believe to this day hes the one for me... but fate and other people say other wise... so many things are trying to separate us... people, the navy, fate, and other factors... is life trying to tell me that I can never achieve the happiness I desire? is this what life is? if it is, I hate it.
Is life confusion? because that's what it feels like... I seem to know why I do everything I do and it sickens me. I just want to something and not understand why I'm doing it.. that one thing is love... I cant understand it it tugs and pulls at you and can drive you mad... but it can make you feel wonderful... but why? I could go into how the human brain functions.. but that's not the reason why I seek for the type of love I want... no... Because that's what my mind wants I dont know why or who said I wanted it but by gods I want him... that him is Steve.
Hr was the only one I could fully open up to... he guided me through life and thought me so many things. IT wasn't about his body... It wasn't about what he liked and disliked... It was about him... that's it...
Sorry for the ranting but it has to come out I cant hold it in.
And still my heart pulls for him and cries for him and yet I don't understand why... My mind wont accept anyone else.. because everyone else is just a friend... I look at my rl friends I said above because I'm so desperate for a good and real hug.. not a lame ass excuse for one. (no offense) but as said before... my life dosnt seem to want him... well screw what everything and everyone thinks! I WANT HIM. IO dont care what you think I want him and my heart cant be swooned by any fancy love tricks like crap ass hugs and cuddles that mean NOTHING.
sorry...
as you can tell... I'm not very happy... its not a one time thing... this has been going on ever since he forgot about me...
and to Steve...
I love you... 'With all my heart...
I dont care if you did this for the navy or if you actually did forget... I need you...
to everyone else, sorry if I upset you... its better to get feelings out even if they do hurt.
yours truly...
blue...
ps i cant change the mood thing da wont let me.
Joy
SPREAD THE JOY!!!!!!
Poor Blue-chan... I hope things go better for you hun. 
Devious Comments
A hug online is just not the same as one offline, even though it is nice to know that someone, somewhere in the world is there for you, and will give you all the hugs you need if it'll help in any way. They know you appreciate it, but they do also know that it won't always brighten your day, just as long as they know you're appreciating their efforts to make you feel better.
About him "forgetting" you, I wouldn't have called him horrible for it as, I'm sure you know yourself, things keep you occupied, and people are liable to forget if it does occur. Sure, I may have made a comment about how his priorities are generally messed up, but as you say there, he is in the Navy, maybe he's just too occupied putting his all into the job rather than think about anyone. It sounds harsh, but that's reality, hun, people forget about others no matter how close they are to you. I know you love him so much, but he won't literally wipe his memory about you, he'll always remember you. Just know there's a fine line between "Forgetting someone" and "Forgetting someone". You won't want the latter to happen, but I can assure you he'd only forgotten about you due to being busy, which isn't as bad as being forgotten completely.
As for your friends, I was like that once over. I'm the only gay one of the friends I once used to hang around with, and I could never leap into their arms just for a bit of comfort as they would feel awkward for doing so, but that doesn't necessarily mean they don't care about you. Why not try sitting one of them down and talking to them? Just because you're talking about another guy who you're in love with won't, or shouldn't, scare them from you. If they're really good friends to you, they'll listen and help you through.
Anyway, I've squeezed the last from my brain. I'm not one for doing this sort of thing as I'd prefer to just hug tight, but that's a cop-out compared to reading, understanding, and at least attempting to help in any possible way.
Just keep your chin up, hun.
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I'll go by paragraph to the responses
I do appreciate and feel bad now for saying those things.
I'm assuming you know what I meant by forgetting.. he told me he had an accident and hit his head so hard that he forgot about me. I know that hes in the navy and the horrible reality of it..
And Ive thinking about doing that. problem is when, they're always in a group.
and thank you... I wish I could give you a real hug... but I'll have to settle for this.. *hugs you tight and close, resting my head on your shoulder.*
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